Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Working It Out...

It's official. I am a working mama. As in - I leave my kid at a grandparent's house on alternating days and come into work, where she is not, and try to produce income for our family.

2 days down.

And I'm doing better than I expected... and maybe that's because she's with people I trust. We aren't starting daycare til January (if I ever pay my dang deposit). So January may be a little different. But for now I am fine. She is fine. Or at least I keep telling myself that.

But truly - as much as I love the IDEA of staying-at-home-mom I don't think I am cut out for it. Being a mommy is AMAZING, UNBELIEVABLE, MORE THAN I IMAGINED. It does break my heart to hear her chatting it up with grandma when I call. However, as a person, wife, and a mommy it is better for us all if I do some sort of work. It keeps my brain fresh and frustrations to a minimum. Seriously. I can be an individual and a mommy and I am learning that that is o.k.
It's the Quality of parenting that matters not the Quantity... and my quality and quatity may be inversely proportionate to one another.

There is still the guilt though. And all the working mommies around me say it never really goes away. But alot of people have/had working moms and we all came out the other side quite nicely. So it's not so bad really - even if my heart does ache all day.


1 comment:

Erin said...

Lauren - good for you. Thanks for being honest in this post...I'm proud of you for taking care of yourself for little Erin's sake!

Hope to see you & your family soon,