Sunday, December 19, 2010

Hubs and the Superior Wang

( Don't ever dare me to put up a blog title - bc it just might come true)

This week has been quite an adventure. After getting to work on Monday - what was supposed to be a quick trip to the bathroom ended up changing everything.

There was blood. a lot. A LOT. So I did what any normal pregnant woman would do. I tried to excuse myself and instead LOST MY SHIT right in the middle of the office. Luckily I work with all women who also have children and they were extremely sympathetic and helpful. I pulled myself together long enough to dial Hubs on the phone. AND LOSE MY SHIT again.

" I (gasp) just (sniffle sniffle) miscarried (burst into tears)..."

"WHAT!? How do you know?"

"There is a lot of blood and that wouldn't be there if I hadn't."

"Ok, you call your mom and I'll call the doctor."

Needless to say, with in 30 minutes I was walking in to my doctor's office. Greeted by my husband who was obviously upset and waiting to take me into his arms. I tried to make small talk while we waited on the sonographer. Hubs - not very interested.

Meanwhile my nurse (who I love) is all - "Did you have intercourse last night?" And we're all - "Um... yes" Thinking DUH - pregnant s.e.x is the best! - and then immediately thinking - OMG we totally caused this - we made us lose this baby - hold.back.tears.

So she says - well then it's probably not a miscarriage we see this sometimes. The eval will tell us more. blah de blah de blah. She didn't see that blood that I did so...

Fine.

The sonographer calls us back and gets that scanner on me so fast I couldn't have been more thankful. And within seconds our tears filled the room. There on the screen was a very active baby with a very strong heartbeat. And also - a small hemorrhage that left me on bedrest this week. A small price to pay.

Now - this was very traumatic. And miscarriage is a very tough, sensitive, emotional subject. I have faced this twice and so far have been blessed. My heart breaks for those who endure this - and I hestitated even sharing the story. But what came later this week was worth it's weight in gold.

After the whole shock of the thing - you innately want to come up with some sort of coping mechanism. Mine seems to typically be humor - but whatev.

So, anywho - Hubs is all "That's it! No more nookie for you until this baby comes." and I'm all "Yeah right - we will get past this (bc pregnant s.e.x. should not be missed) but we'll wait and see what the doctor advises after the rest."

And as this week drags on the inevitable happens. As all hubs do, Hubs gets a little randy. Knowing he is on restriction begins making sly passes at me in jest of the situation.

So I finally just let it out - "If you're PENIS didn't BREAK MY UTERUS we this wouldn't be an issue!"

And being the Ladies Man he is - he simply retorts "I can not help having a Superior Wang."

What's a girl to do?

2 comments:

Megan said...

OMG, that is hilarious! I always worry that the same thing will happen to me but so far, so good! And yes, pregnant sex is awesome!

Kim said...

I am so glad everything is okay. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas - all four of you!